I am a desperate man

I sometimes don't like looking at old pictures.


from left to right: Isaiah (my brother), Ryan Haeg, Donald "D.A." Knapp, and me.


This was in a time before D.A.'s family was separated by divorce and alcoholism.

Before he and his Mom and Sister moved down to Texas.

Before me and my brother had no connection to him anymore when we had known him our whole lives.


And to talk about change!

let's talk a bit about Ryan Haeg. Or... "Conan O'Ryan" as I used to call him.

He lives in Chicago now, going to school to become a mechanic, which he told me himself he doesn't want to do.

He's drinking and smoking pot and partying a lot, just like his older brother who he hates because he's a nasty drunk, and calls him in the middle of the night sometimes to curse him out.




And for me and my brother... well we're basically the same as we were.






NOT!





It's like all of our lives are swirling down the toilet into an oblivion of nothingness and trade school and debt and early marriages that end in early divorce.


Yea, So pardon me if I sometimes don't like looking at old pictures...

In the words of Daniel "The DJ" Johnston,

Despair came knocking

At my door
And I let her in
For a while

She sat on the couch
In the end, smoking

She said nothing

Suddenly I felt tired
I began to feel tired
And all of the sudden,
the room seemed dizzy and dirty

Despair came knocking
And I let her in
For a while