I'm in cali right now visiting my family and i'm realizing how fucked up my family really is. It really scares me.

Like they could if they tried...

And finally there are the people. They are just people though. They wander around in the salvation of the rain. Sometimes they even try to dodge it.

You know the oil that comes up from the ground when it rains? That is just blood. Alone and freestanding life that comes up through the cracks.

Standing here and watching the rain fall. It's like watching the world fall and crumble in tiny little increments.

I just want to touch some skin.

Just reach out and touch smooth skin;

and I would back away right when i touched it, don't worry.


I just want the touch.

"To each his own" means we're all alone.

I had a dream that i was running around getting chased by the cops and while i was running, I ran into a cop, which seemed like he was from the future, and I beat him up and took his gun and uniform.

the uniform was just two pieces of square plastic that went on the front and back of my body. It was like a cheap Halloween costume. and the gun was a long rubbery musket type gun. When i would bring it up to aim, the tip would bounce around like a fishing pole.

I ran into this house where my friend was and he was in there with another cop, and so i hit the cop in the face, and he fell down to the floor. Then i pointed a pistol that magically appeared on me, towards the cops face and fired.

and then I ran away down towards town. We were in excelsior right across the street from my house.

when all of a sudden Tyler Dow was running after me. I shot him once, but the bullet didn't seem to do anything, and so i kept firing, but no bullets would come out after that. Then i ran up to a guy that looked like Ed McMahon and he told me i had to reload by pressing X. haha.

and then by that time Tyler Dow was in a car driving away towards the town. I took aim and with my musket, shot one good shot into the back window of the car. then after a few seconds the car veered off the road.


end of dream.


It's kind of messed up that I killed 2 people and one of them was a cop. =(

There are alot of kinds of christians out there, but for what I'm thinking of right now, I will just say that there are 2 kinds.


There are the kinds of christians who just do. they serve at shelters and help the homeless and when they share the gospel they whip out John 3:16, like the most overused verse in the whole bible.

and then there are the intellectual christians, who will talk to you for hours about how jesus came to fulfill all the prophecies that were set in the old testement, or they might just try to convince you with reason of why God exists and why you should believe in him.


I'm just a self-rightous nothing, because I'm not either of these.

the boy with the thorn in his soul...(side)...

You look like a supermodel and you've got legs for miles.

That's what supermodels are aren't they?

They are all legs
all butt
all back
and then nothing.


their body is cut off at the shoulders?

-----------------------------------------------------------


I was driving back from the movie theater last night with Trevor listening to the smiths

and the windows were open and I didn't want to say a word.


I'm sure Trevor noticed something. I usually talk his ear off after a movie, or any other time.

but not last night...



Last night was an awakening.



It's not that profound even. really that word has lost it's meaning.

I mean, back in middle school,

if someone would start talking about the universe and about how
everything happened for a reason,

without even saying what the reason was,

everyone would be like "wow, dude. that's profound"


That's not really a profound thing.


Don't you think that if something is truly profound, that it would escape our human words and understanding?

would we be able to describe something that gigantic and big and explosive and awesome?

Like God.

How can I sit here and describe the feeling I got as I stuck my head out the window and
smelled the dirt in the air,
and listened to the gentle British coos of The Smiths?

If it was really God that was in the air last night, would I be able to describe it to you? and better yet, would you even understand?





I don't think i could and I don't think you would.


So I won't explore the subject further.


--------------------------------------------------------


I know this one girl named Val and she is more beautiful then I ever remember her being.

She's really quiet and shy, but she is very beautiful.

She looks like a supermodel, actually.

but she's smart and sensitive and caring.




Let me tell you something; That is hard to find in a girl.

Not the beauty part. that's hard to find, but not really. Besides most of that fades away after like 50 plus years of marriage.

It's hard to find a girl that is smart and sensitive and caring.


She is legs
and butt
and back

and then she is heart
and mouth
and brain
and then



just



soul;



For miles and miles it seems.













I am the number 1 (me)
and you are the number 99. (I am)

Get the camera!

In the loch

there stood, tall and swinging

scales and things.

But believe, even though for lack of seeing,



that packs and packs of animated discs;

had made and sewn a roughed up green;

had formed a figure out of the dark; out of the lake; out of the still.


And that figure moved slowly,

without bending,

back down into the waters.