I don't want to see any old friends. I hate old friends. I hate how it's this novelty thing.

"Oh, I used to know you!"

I don't like old friends. Old friends are dead friends. That's what I say.



New friends are untrustable. New friends are mostly out to get you. They are out to get on your nerves and your cash. And they just want to sleep on your couch.

Trevor. You are the only friend that I'm okay with being friends with at this moment.




Past friends are no good. They are dead friends as I like to say. No good. They are no good.

I don't like looking at pictures of old friends. It depresses me. It's depressing, really.

I don't like to think about the friends I don't have. I don't have alot of friends, I only have a few. But I want to forget most of them. Except for trevor.

Trevor, you are the only friend that I'm okay with being friends with.


Trevor is an old friend, and a new friend and a current friend. That's why.

That's why it's okay. It's okay for trevor. Just okay.






But, old and new friends man. yea, I don't know about them.

They are dead as I like to say.

I honestly don't know how to talk honestly without any pretenses. Ya know?

I feel like a Noob.



Trevor has 288 posts

and I have a measley 71 posts.






This one makes it 72 but I still feel bad...

I feel so close to a breakthrough,

and no.

Don't ask "what?"


It's nothing I can explain. It's like the pain you feel after you've been kicked on the stomach.


It's just a little pain.

Just a little poke in the side of your rib that tells you your not dead, but not really breathing yet either.





I am paranoid and jealous and dementiated. I am like a fire hydrant whose water has all been used.




I just want a little peace, but mostly all I want to say is



























































Love me, please?

something trevor would blog about...

The word verification for a comment I just posted was "bradpie" and I thought that it was kind of comical.

I'd rather be your friend for 10 years than be your lover for 1.

True Story.

You scare me. I don't want to remember you in the morning...and I don't want learn who you are in the evening.














I first learned of you when I watched the light come in through the cracks in the closet. I remember thinking that we were floating on a raft and that it was lava streaming through the cracks.














The End.

Operation "forget you"

I am on the verge of a breakthrough. I have been running the spread sheets all day looking for patterns and I found one interesting one.


When ever I say "I love you" you shy away and go into hiding for a couple of days.


Now that wouldn't be so abnormal if not for the fact that you never returned. You never came back and you never said "hello" again.



Now I am on the crest-line of some new thought, or something.



I can't grasp it, yet....oh, there we go.


Let's see, it says "I'm not your lover anymore"



That's strange for me to be thinking. I don't have a lover...

2 hours later...


The Subatronic Utilizing Compart-Mentalizer Energyfield, or the S.U.C. M.E. as I like to call it, has been spitting out data ever since it got ahold of that thought that I was thinking earlier.


It seems to think that I have a rather large crush on an individual of the female genus.


I think not...




2 hours later...


ok, I guess I do have a rather large crush on an individual of the female genus.


but alas, I'm getting new information...


Oh it seems that she does not return the feelings.


well, you can't do anything about that. I'll just forget her forever.



The end.















Atleast I wish that is what I could do...















No, for real, I'm an idiot.
















Like, seriously, get a life...

I like sounds.

I've learned that when i get texts they are rarely from who i'd guess their from. Like they are never from people you actually want to talk to. Serious...

No one is posting anything!

I really don't like this feeling.

It's a feeling of despair and confusion.






I have this theory that the common person doesn't actually care about his fellow man around him. Not more then himself, anyways.


The common man will ask, "how are you?" but he won't want you to break down into tears and go on to explain how you feel "hurt and confused" and that you think your going crazy on account of you not being able to make up your fucking mind!


I think he would care very little indeed!

Joke.

This post is an obligation. I'll just say it right out.


It doesn't mean it can't be good, but it probably won't be any good.




Well...so...



I am not in love anymore, so that's good.


Well, she actually died... so, I don't know if that constitutes me having stopped loving her, I just know there is no possibility that we'll ever go out on a date!

Once your dead, you don't come back for the living.

Like she would want to come back and have dinner and a movie with me after what she's been through...





It's just not going to happen.


































Is it?

I like the movie "Fight Club" but I don't like how people like live by it.


My friend, Ryan, has like quotes on his Facebook page and he thinks they are just the most profound quotes ever.


It's like....



What the F?!



It's not real. It's just a movie that some guy made. He probably doesn't even live by those quotes and he wrote it!

I heard about this cat that would know 2 weeks ahead of time when his owner would have a seizure.

Like it would be all over it's owner for 2 weeks before a seizure came.



and I've heard of other instances where a pet knows stuff like that. but it's just like "what the F?"



Why don't we humans have any kind of intuition like that?

We're just left in the dark with our reason.

I like the feeling of sleeping naked. I've even got used to the feeling of vulnerability that comes with it and that is part of the thrill. You should try it!

I was just at a wedding.

and it was awesome because I knew the people who were getting married.

And She was there, and She hugged me so tightly... I just want to be with her.



And now I feel dejected and all I want to do is go to bed.




Night.

I am a desperate man

I sometimes don't like looking at old pictures.


from left to right: Isaiah (my brother), Ryan Haeg, Donald "D.A." Knapp, and me.


This was in a time before D.A.'s family was separated by divorce and alcoholism.

Before he and his Mom and Sister moved down to Texas.

Before me and my brother had no connection to him anymore when we had known him our whole lives.


And to talk about change!

let's talk a bit about Ryan Haeg. Or... "Conan O'Ryan" as I used to call him.

He lives in Chicago now, going to school to become a mechanic, which he told me himself he doesn't want to do.

He's drinking and smoking pot and partying a lot, just like his older brother who he hates because he's a nasty drunk, and calls him in the middle of the night sometimes to curse him out.




And for me and my brother... well we're basically the same as we were.






NOT!





It's like all of our lives are swirling down the toilet into an oblivion of nothingness and trade school and debt and early marriages that end in early divorce.


Yea, So pardon me if I sometimes don't like looking at old pictures...

In the words of Daniel "The DJ" Johnston,

Despair came knocking

At my door
And I let her in
For a while

She sat on the couch
In the end, smoking

She said nothing

Suddenly I felt tired
I began to feel tired
And all of the sudden,
the room seemed dizzy and dirty

Despair came knocking
And I let her in
For a while

This is for you Trevor. 1 week straight.




I had a dream last night and it was so pathetic and sad that I don't want to share it.

And I'm not going to.

Beautiful, yes very, but something's wrong. Yes, Yes, something is wrong. Very wrong. Yes Beautiful, but very wrong. Very Very Very Very

I don't like it when people say that everything will turn out alright. It's just a comfort phrase probably, like when your 4 year old's dog dies, and you tell him everything will be alright.

That's understandable.

But in some situation where you know things maybe aren't going to be alright, all it is, is just one more lie. isn't it?


Life sometimes doesn't end up okay, but I like not being able to control it.

I just don't like it when people say things they don't mean, and I'm certainly guilty of it.



But it's like our culture encourages people to say bullshit. They encourage people to comfort others with words of shit.


That's messed up.