Very unnassumadly put: Thoughts

I want to crawl into the dark.

It doesn't have to be a specific place; just a place that no one would be able to see me.

Just to go into the dark and cover my face, and maybe weep if I was feeling foolish enough.

Crying is one of the most base things you can do. That and laughing...



It's like they are polar opposites.









Back to the part about the dark though. Maybe in the darkness I would be able to live with myself. I wouldn't be bothered to think about all the things that I do that I hate. I wouldn't be bothered to think about how people around me are full of bullshit. (myself included)

If you look at the way people live and they way we communicate, It's almost like all the signs are telling us to live alone.

Life is pretty miserable by itself right? You don't need other people making it worse.

They get in fights, they spit on each other, they curse each other out, they are dishonest and then lie about lying.


"Really, everybody is a criminal; just not everybody has been given the chance to become one. You change the rules around a little bit and you have a whole new game; people that were law-abiding citizens can turn into the worst of people; Just if you'd give them the chance."


End of Transmission.

Chapstick use begets chapstick use.

Elliot Smith (mix between Spoon, Wilco and Elvis Costello(musically that is))

This is my 100th post. No matter what Trevor says...

I have some posts that I didn't make public so the number of post that you see will be less, but this is officially my 100th post.


I have been listening to Elliot Smith a lot recently. I picked up some of his albums at the library and at first I didn't really like most of his songs.

It's like I really wanted too, because I liked his style. I at least liked the way he phrased his music.



and the more I listened to him, I realized that I really like his music. This one whole album in particular. "Figure 8" it's called.




and I remember reading somewhere before I listened to his music that he killed himself by stabbing himself 2 times in the chest. There are conspiracy theories as there always is with famous people dieing.

Like somehow it doesn't make sense that Kurt Kobain would kill himself using a shotgun and a needle-full of the big "H"?

At least it makes more sense then thinking someone broke into his house, injected him with heroin and then shot him with a shotgun and then didn't leave any evidence behind...


Anyways, I digress...


I think that Elliot Smith's music has taken on a whole new meaning, now that I know he killed himself by stabbing himself in the chest. I look at his music in a whole different way. It's almost like all the songs he made were just catchy individually wrapped suicide notes...


and I can't help but feel sad every time I listen to his music. Maybe like it was all a cry for help?



and then I think about how I feel really alone, and how I'm not friends with any of the people I used to be friends with for various reasons. One of them joined the military, I was in love with another and then found out how terribly pathetic I was at trying to hide it and/or suppress it. Those are the main ones. The "biggies" if you will.

and every time I listen to Elliot smith, I can't help but keeping getting reminded of that girl that I loved and now don't talk to at all (not that I want to...) and the friend who joined the marines.




and so I wonder if my whole life and all the songs I write will just end up being catchy individually wrapped suicide notes.

Maybe people that listen to my music will wonder whether I was asking for help or something.

Like, this song means this, and that song there is talking about how he was afraid and lonely. that kind of thing.

Will I be a victim of suicide?

I honestly have no idea.




I'm not considering it, but it's not like sometimes I don't wish I had the guts to do it.

I feel like I'm flying apart at the speed of light.














God, what is this anxiety and paranoia?




In the words of Elliot Smith.




"Stupidity Tries"