Elliot Smith (mix between Spoon, Wilco and Elvis Costello(musically that is))

This is my 100th post. No matter what Trevor says...

I have some posts that I didn't make public so the number of post that you see will be less, but this is officially my 100th post.


I have been listening to Elliot Smith a lot recently. I picked up some of his albums at the library and at first I didn't really like most of his songs.

It's like I really wanted too, because I liked his style. I at least liked the way he phrased his music.



and the more I listened to him, I realized that I really like his music. This one whole album in particular. "Figure 8" it's called.




and I remember reading somewhere before I listened to his music that he killed himself by stabbing himself 2 times in the chest. There are conspiracy theories as there always is with famous people dieing.

Like somehow it doesn't make sense that Kurt Kobain would kill himself using a shotgun and a needle-full of the big "H"?

At least it makes more sense then thinking someone broke into his house, injected him with heroin and then shot him with a shotgun and then didn't leave any evidence behind...


Anyways, I digress...


I think that Elliot Smith's music has taken on a whole new meaning, now that I know he killed himself by stabbing himself in the chest. I look at his music in a whole different way. It's almost like all the songs he made were just catchy individually wrapped suicide notes...


and I can't help but feel sad every time I listen to his music. Maybe like it was all a cry for help?



and then I think about how I feel really alone, and how I'm not friends with any of the people I used to be friends with for various reasons. One of them joined the military, I was in love with another and then found out how terribly pathetic I was at trying to hide it and/or suppress it. Those are the main ones. The "biggies" if you will.

and every time I listen to Elliot smith, I can't help but keeping getting reminded of that girl that I loved and now don't talk to at all (not that I want to...) and the friend who joined the marines.




and so I wonder if my whole life and all the songs I write will just end up being catchy individually wrapped suicide notes.

Maybe people that listen to my music will wonder whether I was asking for help or something.

Like, this song means this, and that song there is talking about how he was afraid and lonely. that kind of thing.

Will I be a victim of suicide?

I honestly have no idea.




I'm not considering it, but it's not like sometimes I don't wish I had the guts to do it.

I feel like I'm flying apart at the speed of light.














God, what is this anxiety and paranoia?




In the words of Elliot Smith.




"Stupidity Tries"